How To Avoid Bad Sex, According To Professionals

Sex is one of the most pleasant activities available to us on this little blue rock, but folks are too often uncomfortable, depressed and overall dissatisfied with their experiences in bed. Some underwhelming situations are bound to happen here or there, but if bad sex is a recurring issue, some expert advice could come in handy.

With that in mind, we reached out to some professional sex educators to tackle some of the common issues surrounding bad sex.

How to avoid bad sex with someone new

If you’ve been swiping on dating apps or hitting the bar scene, getting to the point of hooking up can be exciting, but also daunting in many cases. “A lot of folks enter a new encounter in a state of performative assumptiveness, which can cause anxiety, not confidence,” says Kendra Holliday, a surrogate partner.

This kind of unease might cause you to lean hard on your previous experiences, but that might not be so wise. “Don’t assume the new person likes the same things your last partner did,” Holliday adds. “Before you enter the zone of physical intimacy, ask the person, ‘What are you into? What do you like and not like?'”

Being open is key here. “Open communication, without shame or guilt about sex, and knowing your own body are two certain ways to avoid bad sex,” says sex educator and practicing OBGYN Dr. Sadaf Lodhi. To avoid ‘bad’ sex with someone new, a person needs to know their own body, and be willing to communicate what turns them on; what they like and dislike.” And this isn’t just at the beginning of sexual activities — finding what works often requires keeping some amount of conversation rolling throughout.

Holliday also recommends establishing a mental rapport first, and then a physical foundation. “It’s better to start slow and gentle, and pay attention to body language. Safe sensuality can build trust, and progress to a more passionate experience.” Even if it’s a one-night stand, there’s no need to rush. A gradual build-up is an excellent strategy — especially for unfamiliar lovers.

How to fix bad sex in an established relationship

Of course, many of the readers here aren’t on the dating scene at all; they have existing relationships that might need some adjustments when it comes to intimacy. Thankfully, Dr. Sadaf also believes that open communication is the most important way to tackle the issue in an established relationship.

“Time and time again, studies have shown that having open communication about sex is the biggest factor responsible for sexual satisfaction in a relationship,” Sadaf says. It’s about informing each other about your desires, wants and fantasies, which will go a long way when it comes to arousal and achieving orgasms.

But it’s not merely about logistics. Understanding your anatomy and the anatomy of your partner is critical, as well as being mindful and present when being physical with your partner,” Dr. Sadaf says.

The setting you’re in plays a big part too. “If you’ve been with someone for a while and wish to correct something, find the right time and place, such as a neutral setting and not in the bedroom,” says Holliday.

Holliday recommends framing the conversation as a positive thing, and using it to check if there’s anything your partner would also like to be changed. However, the reaction you’ll get will definitely vary from person to person. “Depending on the person’s personality, you may need to give them time to process this new information, or they might be happy to try out the new technique right away,” Holliday notes.

Onward and upward

With some tact, a little courage and a lot of communication, nobody is destined for bad sex. It’ll probably take effort and exploration, but the days of disappointing intercourse will soon be behind you.

Have any other questions about sex and relationships? Shout ’em out in our comment section, and we might just ask an expert.